The Search Engine Robot and the Webdesigner

An unidirectional, virtual tale

On a beautiful summer evening, some place in the Silicon Valley a search engine robot relaxed at a bar relishing some beers. In the last 24 hours he had requested and parsed 16 Million websites and delivered all his results to the data base.'Nuff done for one day, he thought. Please, no more http requests. Only VoA[1] should be enough for now.

He enjoyed the cold beer.. With his empty glass he signaled the bartender to serve the next beer. "Someone should invent something like PubML[2]", the robot thought.

A dynamic youngster, dressed in black with a fashionable short beard and his black hair full of gel, stepped into the pub. He placed himself at the bar just next to the robot. "Oh shit! A webdesigner!", the robot thought.

Webdesigner: Hi!
Search engine robot: Hi.
Bartender: Hm?
Webdesigner: A prosecco, please, cold!
Bartender: OK. Another beer, Robot?
Search engine robot: Yep.

With a well trained grip the youngster took his utra-modern backpack and placed it unerringly on the bar. Leaving the bartender just able to avoid a collision with the prosecco.

Bartender: Here you go.
Webdesigner: Thanks.

With another well studied grip the backpack was placed on a hook. On the bar remained an ultra-modern, brandnew notebook. "Oh no, not again!" thought the robot. "I shouldn't go to pubs that close to the dotcom turf." He turned around and relished his beer.

The youngster made sure to have the attention of all the other guests at the bar and opened the notebook. By hitting a key, a short, world famous melody was played. The robot choked on his beer.

Only few minutes later all applications such youngsters need for a perfect live were running. The youngster fiddled around with a presentation und sipped his prosecco audibly.

The robot couldn't resist. He squinted at the display. That was enough for him. But it was long enough for the trap to close.

Webdesigner: You know about...?
Search engine robot: Depends.
Webdesigner: What's your job?

A human being would have said "mortician" or something like that. But robots aren't able to lie. They even don't know how to manage lies. That's good so.

Search engine robot: Search engine robot.
Webdesigner: No! Really?
Search engine robot: Yep.
Webdesigner: Cool! You know my websites, don't you?
Search engine robot: May be.
Webdesigner: Come on! Do you?
Search engine robot: What precisely?
Webdesigner: Do you know my websites?
Search engine robot: Would you please be so kind to tell me the URL?
Webdesigner: www.megacool-design.com[5]

The robot logged in at the database. Just a glance was enough. "Oh boy!" he thought.

Search engine robot: I know it.
Webdesigner: And...?
Search engine robot: What "and"?
Webdesigner: How do you like 'em?
Search engine robot: What precisely?
Webdesigner: My websites.
Search engine robot: Not.
Webdesigner: What: "Not"?!
Search engine robot: I can't find anything.
Webdesigner: ???
Search engine robot: I know the URL, but there is no content.
Webdesigner: That's impossible!
Search engine robot: It's a fact. There is a graphic file. Nothing else.
Webdesigner: Yeh! Sure! That's my logo! What do you think about?
Search engine robot: Not interesting for me. I'm interested in content.
Webdesigner: What: "content"?!
Search engine robot: Text for example.
Webdesigner: That's on the next site!
Search engine robot: Which next site?
Webdesigner: You will be redirected after 5 seconds by a "meta refresh".
Search engine robot: No.
Webdesigner: What: "no"?!
Search engine robot: I don't follow meta-refreshs. I'm following links only.
Webdesigner: Why that?
Search engine robot: I'm parsing the text on the sites. I'm following links. That's all.
Webdesigner: OK! Then go to the next site!
Search engine robot: How can I find it without knowing the URL?
Webdesigner: It' mentioned in the "meta refresh"!
Search engine robot: I don't read "meta refresh".
Webdesigner: Why not?!
Search engine robot: Not my job. This means: I only know from your Domain its filename and a graphic. Without alt-attribute, by the way.
Webdesigner: Then go to the next site!
Search engine robot: If you'd finally be so kind to tell me the URL...?

Bemused the youngster stated another URL under another Domain.

Search engine robot: O yeah! I know.
Webdesigner: And?
Search engine robot: What: "and"?
Webdesigner: How do you like it?
Search engine robot: Boring.
Webdesigner: Why that?
Search engine robot: "Your browser doesn't support frames." Well known to me. For the searchstring "frames" you are ranked at No. 13.451.613 of about 17.600.000. For the searchstring "browser" you are ranked at No. 16.698.225 of about 28.200.000. For the searchstring "Your Browser doesn't support frames." you are ranked at No. 63.613 of about 92.400. I suppose these are the facts you asked for?

No, not for that. Really not. The buddies around the bar smirked about their conversation. The youngster was afraid to loose his face. He ordered another prosecco and a beer for the robot.

Webdesigner: Just a moment! Why don't you know more content from my sites?
Search engine robot: 'cause there is none.
Webdesigner: There is a head and a navigation and so on!
Search engine robot: In the frameset?
Webdesigner: Yeah!
Search engine robot: Normally I dont' like spidering frames. But I've done it in your case.
Webdesigner: And?
Search engine robot: What: "and"?
Webdesigner: How do like the sites?
Search engine robot: Not.
Webdesigner: Come on! Don't tell me again, that there is nothing?!
Search engine robot: What should that there be?
Webdesigner: As i told you: On the top there is a slogan...
Search engine robot: "Top" means "Frame:TOP"?
Webdesigner: Yes!
Search engine robot: Oh yes. A graphic. Without alt-attribute. Not utilizable. Not interesting for me.
Webdesigner: But the Slogan is cool, isn't it?
Search engine robot: Which slogan?
Webdesigner: The slogan on top!
Search engine robot: The graphic?
Webdesigner: Yeah!
Search engine robot: I can't see any slogan. All I can see is the filename of the graphic.
Webdesigner: Why that?
Search engine robot: 'cause the slogan is inside the graphic?
Webdesigner: Yeah! What's the problem?
Search engine robot: How should I be able ro read text hidden in a graphic?
Webdesigner: Arghl! What's about the rest?
Search engine robot: Which rest?
Webdesigner: Well, the links to the subsites for example!
Search engine robot: Which links?
Webdesigner: In the navigation frame!
Search engine robot: In "Frame:NAVI"?
Webdesigner: Yeah!
Search engine robot: There are no links.
Webdesigner: Come on! Stop that! For sure there are links! I have to know that! I programmed them!
Search engine robot: There's nothing besides some java script.
Webdesigner: Yeah. And?
Search engine robot: What: "and"?
Webdesigner: Following the links you will proceed to the subsites!
Search engine robot: No. Which subsites?
Webdesigner: Well, by touching the links whith your mouse, the graphics will be exchanged by the other graphics. As soon, as your are clicking...
Search engine robot: I don't have a mouse. What should I do with it? I'm not clicking. I'm following links. At your site, there are no links. Just some java script.
Webdesigner: OK! Then please execute the java script!
Search engine robot: No way!
Webdesigner: Why not?
Search engine robot: Are you really believing, the data processing centre of a search engine will tolerate the execution of external code on their own machines?
Webdesigner: But then you'll never be able to follow my links!
Search engine robot: There are no links. Just some java script, which I'm filtering. Beside that your frame is empty.
Webdesigner: You don't wan't to tell me that you are ignoring all java script in the entire web?!
Search engine robot: Yes, that's what I`m telling you. I'm ignoring every kind of "active content".
Webdesigner: But 95% of the users are activating java script.
Search engine robot: I don't believe that. Besides: I'm not a user. And I will never execute java script.
Webdesigner: ...which means, you won't find a lot in the web.
Search engine robot: By having a look at our database, I must disagree. Whatever I find, it's absolutely enough for me.

The youngsters world outlook faltered. He tried to gain a grip on it by ordering a round of grappa. The robot refused the grappa and accepted a beer instead.

Webdesigner: OK. OK. OK! What's about the content?
Search engine robot: What content?
Webdesigner: The content on my site!
Search engine robot: Where's it got to?
Webdesigner: In the content frame!
Search engine robot: Which is named "Frame:CONTENT"?
Webdesigner: Yeah! You got it!
Search engine robot: There's nothing.
Webdesigner: Hey, listen! You talking to one of the leading webdesigners in town...
Search engine robot: I see.
Webdesigner: ...and you can't skill me! There is a mega cool flash in which I'm presenting the philosophy of my company.
Search engine robot: I don't parse flash.
Webdesigner: Why that again?
Search engine robot: How should that work?
Webdesigner: Don't you see the text and the animation?
Search engine robot: I don't "see" anything. I'm parsing text. There is none.
Webdesigner: Pardon me? There is text in the flash! You should be able to read it!?
Search engine robot: If you are able to write a program to extract text from flash, you should send your profile to us. You will strike it rich. Very rich. Very fast.

The youngster smiled! That's a good idea! He opened his notebook again and had a look at the code of his flash. And thought a minute... and a minute... The robot enjoyed the silence and his beer. Two beers later the youngster realized it:

Webdesigner: That's impossible!
Search engine robot: What precisely?
Webdesigner: Extracting text from flash.
Search engine robot: Yes. That's what I said.
Webdesigner: Just a moment! If I understood you correctly, you aren't able to see... ah... parse text, neither from graphics nor from flash, and you filter all the scripts. But then nothing is left!
Search engine robot: Not on your site. That's what I said.
Webdesigner: But then you can't read anything!
Search engine robot: Not on your site. That's what I said.
Webdesigner: What else can you read?
Search engine robot: Did you ever heared about "HTML"?
Webdesigner: That's absolutely oldfashioned. That's totally outdated!
Search engine robot: That might be.
Webdesigner: Noone is interested in!
Search engine robot: ...but me.
Webdesigner: But nobody is writing such sites since...
Search engine robot: I have to disagree. Actually, we have 3.306 million sources in our database. This figure is increasing daily. Sounds not very plausible, that noone is using HTML.
Webdesigner: No. That's nonsense. The user are requesting action and interactivity and...
Search engine robot: I'm not a user. I don't need that.
Webdesigner: But then you can't parse my content!
Search engine robot: Which content?
Webdesigner: Arghl! On my sites!
Search engine robot: There's no content which I can parse.

The youngster got a feeling about moving in a circle. The robot was used to this feeling. He knew, that the circle would move on.

Webdesigner: How do you want to parse the content of my websites, if it's unreachable for you?
Search engine robot: Not at all.
Webdesigner: But that's your job!
Search engine robot: Nope. Exactly that isn't my job. It's my job to parse reachable contect. Your content isn't. No problem for me. That means my job on your site is finished within a second, and I can proceed to the next URL.
Webdesigner: But the users are able to reach the content.
Search engine robot: May be. No problem for me. I'm no user.
Webdesigner: But you can't refuse to read 95% of all websites!
Search engine robot: I don't. Where's the source of that figure?
Webdesigner: Anyone knows that!
Search engine robot: Not me.
Webdesigner: Grmpf! Let's try it in another way: You are refusing to store the content of my websites in your database. Is that right?
Search engine robot: No. There is no content.
Webdesigner: Cool, man! Keep Cool. OK. You can't find anything. That's why you are stating there is nothing. Correct?
Search engine robot: Correct.
Webdesigner: Wrong! In reality there is a lot of content!
Search engine robot: May be. And?
Webdesigner: You are not storing it in the database!
Search engine robot: I'm storing anything in the database which I can parse. On your sites there is nothing.
Webdesigner: No! You are avoiding the content!
Search engine robot: The other way round: You are hiding your content perfectly from me. It's your problem, not mine!
Webdesigner: But it's your job to give the users search results.
Search engine robot: That's what we are doing. Extremly extensive.
Webdesigner: But my sites are not among the search results!
Search engine robot: Yes. And?
Webdesigner: Then something is missing!
Search engine robot: The searchstring "frames" gives around 17.600.000 results. Why do you think, that someone is missing you among the top ten?
Webdesigner: The subject of my site isn't "frames"!
Search engine robot: It's written there.
Webdesigner: No! There's much more! The subjects are "internet präsentations", "e-commerce solutions", or...
Search engine robot: It's not written there.
Webdesigner: It is! And I'm insisting on being mentioned in your database!
Search engine robot: I'm storing everything I can parse. On your site there is nothing.

The discussion went stupid for the youngster. For the robot, it was all stupid. But it was his job. He was glad that the beer showed an effect. The explosive mixture of prosecco and grappa had a more interesting effect on the youngsters behaviour.

Webdesigner: Read it from my lips: That's a completely outdated way to work. If all people would insist on such oldfashioned technique, no progress in the internet would be possible.
Search engine robot: Which progress?
Webdesigner: Well, interactive presentations and all the...
Search engine robot: Without text? As you are doing it?
Webdesigner: Arghl! Dont' drive me crazy! There is text!
Search engine robot: I can't parse any text there.
Webdesigner: Your way to work isn't the standard!
Search engine robot: It is. It is the standard for our database. There your are mentioned with the domain and the words "frames" und "browser".
Webdesigner: The users have another opinion!
Search engine robot: I'm not a user.
Webdesigner: The users are your customers!
Search engine robot: They are served by us very well.
Webdesigner: ..served by outdated sites with oldfashioned technology.
Search engine robot: Yes. Served with more than 3 billion oldfashioned sources.
Webdesigner: That's not future-orientated!
Search engine robot: The present work fullfilles me.
Webdesigner: The users want more!
Search engine robot: The users want relevant search results. Nothing else. We'are serving them sufficient.
Webdesigner: You're not serving them with my sites. And they are relevant.
Search engine robot: Which subject? Only "frames" and "browsers" are mentioned there.

The youngster groaned. How is it possible, that a stupid robot can drive a prominent webdesigner crazy?

Webdesigner: OK. On the other hand: Are you sure, that you will be successful in future with this tenor?
Search engine robot: OK. On the other hand: Are you sure, that you will be successful in future with this tenor?
Webdesigner: What the hell...?
Search engine robot: Who are you? Nobody knows you. Your name isn't mentioned in the search results anywhere. In which town do you think to be the "leading webdesigner"? Are we talking about the same galaxy? You are maundering nonsense about "frames" and "browser". There is a sufficient quantity of content in the web about that topic. What do you want of me? Write proper reachable content about your topic. Then you will appear in the search results.
Webdesigner: Don't make me for an idiot! I'm appearing in the web!
Search engine robot: I see. Regarding the subject "frames" you are appearing at No. 13.451.613.
Webdesigner: No! I'm talking about the topic "internet presentation", for example!
Search engine robot: You're not appearing in our database with that topic.
Webdesigner: Well... Anyway! There users are finding me.
Search engine robot: Who finds you?
Webdesigner: The users! My customers!
Search engine robot: So keep your shirt on! You don't need us.
Webdesigner: For sure! I like to have more customers.
Search engine robot: Now you got it! Please go in meditation about the question "Why do I have so few customers?"

The youngster payed his bill. After solving the problems to store his notebook in the backpack, he left the bar, murmering buzzwords.

Bartender: Always 'de same story, hu?
Search engine robot: Yep.
Bartender: 'nother one?
Search engine robot: Yep.
Bartender: Yesterday a family booked the back room. Found me in the web.
Search engine robot: That's the way it works.
Bartender: Thanks for your good job.
Search engine robot: Thanks for your good sites.
Bartender: That's cooperation.
Search engine robot: That's the way it works.
Bartender: Here's to you!
Search engine robot: Here's to you!

Silence. Finally. The robot relished his beer and squinted against the sun. The todo list for his next shift mentioned 14.7 Million Websites. As usual, the domain of the youngster was not among them.

footnotes

• VoA = "Voice over Air", an outdated protocol, only used outside the internet.
• PubML = "Pub Markup Language". Hm... I should think about. Maybe it's a useful tool for bartenders in case of a full bar.
• I swear: When I was writing this text, the domain didn't exist. Anyway, I won't wonder...
• Tanks to University of Chemnitz Dictionary. Critic is welcome.

The translation of this text is still "beta". Sorry. We're working on it.